grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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