"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
