Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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