between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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