Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize