I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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