I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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