I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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