I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
