We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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