my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
