I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
