there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
