If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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