The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
a search helicopter?!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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