Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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