I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
