She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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