Someone shit on the floor
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
