Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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