he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
