You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
