he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
