i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
