by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
