no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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