sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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