Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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