You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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