you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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