So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
