I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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