Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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