Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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