i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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