R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
