Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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