community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize