she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
