So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
