i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
