My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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