You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize