There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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