Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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