Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
