He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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