He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
