today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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