I think I won the penis lottery.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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