I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
