I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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