Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
