And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
