The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize