Are we in a gay sports bar?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
