I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
