remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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