I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
