period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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