She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
