maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
