Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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