My room smells like vodka and shame
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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