i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
