Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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