Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
